I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted consistently. I’m starting to think that maybe this blog is less of a travel blog and more of a graveyard for memories and words.
I know I’ve been terrible at updating even though so much has happened and I have so much to say. Self-care isn’t as easy as it sounds and it only starts getting easier when you’re honest with yourself. It’s taken a lot out of me to be honest with myself – I can be honest with others but I often find it hard to admit that I’m struggling. Writing is all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life but the last year or two, it’s been hard to sit down and force myself to do it. Before last year, I could barely even force myself to read. I always have a book in my purse, just in case, but when I couldn’t read, I couldn’t write – a vicious cycle of being mentally unable to do the things I love. I think you’d be happy to know that in the last month, I’ve read seven books. If I can read, I can write. If I can read, I can write.
I have so much to tell the world about my travels, about Paris, Barcelona, Dublin, and Munich. There’s so much to say about Switzerland and my visa and all the quirks I’ve found in between. I promise I’ll get there. Soon.
Two weeks ago, another friend of mine passed away. Suicide. All the progress I’ve made felt like it went out the window – backpedaling into grief. That’s three people in one year.
I’m not sure how much grief a person can take at once but I am consistently shocked by the resilience of the human soul. It can break, take hit after hit, and yet…here I am. Still standing. Still breathing. Still doing.
Sometimes, I feel like my body is comprised of stars, a million former suns that still find a way to illuminate the sky.
I’m deeply apologetic to all the people who have followed me, expecting more. I’m planning an entire revamp of this blog and I promise that you’ll soon be flooded with content. I don’t want you to think that I’m not dedicated or that I don’t care. I knew someone once who told me that grief is no excuse for decreasing productivity, but I disagree. Self care doesn’t have any rules. It looks like however you want it to. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
The past two years have been about learning how to grieve and to grow. I took all the strength I could muster and picked myself up off the ground and left behind my life for something different. I’m a legal resident of Zurich now and the air is cleaner and new. I’ve fallen in love. I’ve learned not to be afraid of my mental health and I am not ashamed to tell you when I’m struggling.
I call this progress. I call it healing. I call it the end of a long period of grief.
I am learning how to find my voice again, how to translate all the words swimming inside my head.
I hope you all stick around once I find it.
Suggested Listening For This Post: None.
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