I haven’t been a good blogger lately. Actually, I haven’t been a blogger. Period.
It used to be that writing was my life. Writing used to be what kept the bad days at bay.
Lately, though, I sit down to write and stare at a blank page with a blank mind until the anxiety creeps into my chest. I click exit. I don’t press “save draft.”
I have so much to write about. In 2018, I went on adventure after adventure. I spent 10 days in Scotland. I stayed in a haunted castle on my birthday. I met Tommy Wiseau. I went on a literary tour in Berlin. I have so much to write about and yet, when I sit down to write it, self-doubt creeps in like an unwanted visitor and I’m left wondering if I have anything worth saying at all.
I haven’t been a good blogger lately. This is why.
In 2016, my high school sweetheart and my mentor died within a month of each other. In 2017, my dear friend Aaron took his own life. I have been dealing with the backlash of grief for the past two years and it’s not easy. This shouldn’t be an excuse. I have written for other publications and for work. If you saw me in the office last year, you’d most likely not even know that I was grieving. But I’ve felt the scars so deeply ingrained on my heart, and I’ve felt like everything I want to write about on my own blog isn’t good enough if it’s not about overcoming grief. I am so blessed to be living the life that I live and yet. And yet.
Losing three people within a year has often made me feel like I’m drowning. It’s like with them, my lust for putting words to paper died. It’s been three years and the wounds are still fresh.
This shouldn’t be an excuse. And in 2019, I am going to work towards making sure it won’t be. I know that Nick and Aaron and Robin wouldn’t want me to put what they believed in most about me on hold just because they’re gone.
I know that putting your passions on hold is not how you successfully live life.
This year, I’m seeking therapy and seeking new adventures so that I can find that love for words again. I’m going to be the blogger I know that I can be. I’m not going to let mental illness win.
I hope that all of you who have followed me over the years are still around. I hope you can forgive me for being a bad blogger.
I hope you know that I’m sorry for being gone but I appreciate you all for staying.
I’m back. I hope you’re ready for what’s to come.
Suffering from both anxiety and depression can oftentimes make traveling difficult. Over the years, I’ve come up with a few sure-fire ways to overcome travel anxiety.
Visit Stonehenge is part of my bucket list series. Read the entire list here.
Michael and I went to London for a few days in the beginning of February and I finally got around to doing my literary tour of London.
This past year, I achieved one of my biggest bucket list items: moving abroad and living life as an expat. However, there are still so many items just waiting to be checked off the list.
I’ve suffered with depression pretty much my entire life, the severity waxing and waning as the days go by.
It’s no shocker to anyone reading this that I’m a big literature buff (I mean, hello, look at my blog).
Literary history. Luxury. Ghosts. I’m sure you’re thinking that these are three things that have absolutely nothing to do with each other but after our stay at the Shelbourne Hotel in Dublin, I’d say you’d be wrong.
I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted consistently. I’m starting to think that maybe this blog is less of a travel blog and more of a graveyard for memories and words.
When I first read Joan Didion’s essay “Goodbye to All That,” I was a junior in college and in the thick of my love for New York.
Reading is my life. I try to bring a book with me everywhere I go- whether it be for a long flight or just the grocery store (because, well, you never know).
I love Switzerland. It’s full of beautiful architecture, incredible chocolate, cheese, & wine, and breathtaking views. However, it is also home to some of the most hilarious street signs I have ever seen.